It's Christmas Eve.

I have yet to receive something for Christmas. All I have so far is a shirt from David, and $40. Half from my cousin and her husband from today, and the other half from that guy that rents the room. Nothing from my parents, friends, extended family.

Not even a "Merry Christmas" from them.

It saddens me.

It seems like my life's sole purpose is not to trust them enough. Every time I feel like I actually started to trust someone, I either get sick of them or they get sick of me. They always come back when they don't have anyone else.

I'm a rebound friend.

It's really hard for me to cope with life, if I can't have a similar lifestyle as the hundreds of people in this world. They all have a family, despite a father that abuses them or something. They still get a gift and spend it with their family.

What my parents and I are doing? Nothing. Nada. Zip.

I don't even have a present from them. It's pretty sad.

I'm pretty positive now...

My life's sole purpose is not trusting anyone.

I am never sure of anything.

Even when I say I am, I never am.

I guess it's the difference between me and everybody else in the world.

I don't know who I am and what I want... let alone what I want to be...

Thinking of a new diet...?

Summing down to one meat a day, less sweets, more fruits/vegetables.

Hope it works, and I'll keep the progress.

I also need to start excersizing..

Maybe buying a scale!

Thanks, Tumblr.

Ever since Tumblr came in... Raina has formed new friends that are all based on Zachary Quinto.

While I am still talking to Chelsea, her in real life friend Jen and Juliana.

It's worrying me. Ever since Raina started talking to the ZQ obsessors, she and I completely stopped talking. If we did talk, she'd talk about ZQ or them. I know, I did that when I meet new friends, but that's me. I do those things. Raina doesn't.

...not only that, she's become so much more... what's the appropriate word;

bitchier.

Even Dyllan has said that, and Dyllan talks to her pretty much everyday.

I don't even talk to her everyday.

She doesn't realize this.

It might cause our friendship, too. :/

Everytime.

Every.Fucking.Time.

hahaha, back to my rules I go.

I'm going to crawl in a hole and die now.

Humliated. :P

Oh, fuck it.

I'm doing this.

Catching up.

He doesn't have a girlfriend anymore, which is kind of sad... in his part, anyway. I have a slightly bigger chance of him liking me back! Okay, not really, but who knows... it's life and this is one of the thing about life...

Everything is a mystery.

In other news, (I've been saying that a lot lately, haven't I?) I'm deciding whether or not to tell him.

Oh, and..

British Davey is apparently still pissed off at me for talking to the clocks or something, I don't know.

Don't care, but somehow he's back in my life again.

-1 +1

that's like a fail.

And, I figured out(with the help of Maria) that Christian is asking me out to prom.

YAY!

Dress figuring-out time.

I told you so, Tina. I told you so...

Well, this was well played out.

He has a girlfriend now. It's not me.

I should never trust myself into falling for someone... at all.

It's so disappointing how I fall for someone, I get hurt in a way.

;lsdaslkdsakdslksalksdaskldalkdj

In other news, I'm pretty sure he found this blog by himself.

I wouldn't be surprised, I did confess that I have a blogspot.

Just never gave him the link, but he has his internet skills.

Yeah.

Message for you, if you have found it:

Don't feel bad. It's not worth it.

Beowulf

Beowulf was a hero to many people. He sailed to Denmark, with a small amount of men, determined to defeat a dragon that has bothered the city for many years. The night Beowulf and his men arrived, Grendel had begun attacking… leaving the men incapable of fighting. Beowulf takes the stand and battles against Grendel. During the battle, Beowulf rips off Grendel’s arm, injuring him, and Grendel soon dies. Nowadays, there are many heroes… most risking their lives, one of which, is Jeff Hardy. There are many ways to describe Jeff Hardy. He is an artist, a musician, and one of the greatest professional wrestlers there is and was… and like many people in the world today, he has experienced the life of being intoxicated by illegal substances. Despite all the negative aspects he has in life, he will always seem powerful in the professional wrestling world.

Jeff Hardy is known for his artistic works, and highflying moves, like jumping off thirty feet off the ground. He risked his life and sacrificed his body doing things he’s always wanted to pursue in life since he was a child. In 2003, he was fired from his professional wrestling career due to drugs, giving him a bad reputation until his return. Upon his return, Jeff had made it back to the top of his career without any illegal substances. Similarly, Beowulf put his life on the line to protect the kingdom he sought out to protect from Grendel. Moreover he defeated an additional monster, Grendel’s mother, to protect the kingdom from future potential harm, just like Jeff Hardy and his achievements in life.

In spite of their connections, they have differences also. As an example, Beowulf would boast about his past achievements and evoked envy and malice from many men. On the other hand, Jeff Hardy is not one to boast about his past achievements, but he is one to aim higher every time he achieves something. Their personalities might differ from one another, but their physical abilities are similar.

To sum up, what we define heroic now is different from what people from the Anglo-Saxon period define heroic. Beowulf is considered to be an epic hero for his bravery and courage to defeat Grendel and his mother. Jeff Hardy has had his downfalls in his life, but that does not add up to the many things he has achieved in life and what he did for others out there in the world. He is called a hero because of his dedication towards his career. He gave up on so much just to be able to make it to the top in the professional wrestling world. There are differences between Jeff Hardy and Beowulf, but what they have in common is what they are considered heroic in modern life.

So, I met a boy.

I wouldn't say 'met' since it's online, but it pretty much is. We met through DeviantArt.

It's quite... amazing, to be honest. I get to know him more and more everyday and every time I know a little more about him, the more common of interests and how alike we are. It's weird and quite freaky.

His name is David, just like British Davey... the "ex", while he has two ex's named "Christina", Tina for nicknames. We both love weird stuff, we're both pretty immature, love indie music, have no outside life because we're both pretty much socially awkward, love motorcycles, True Blood, photography and the same shade of green. It's pretty fucking creepy at the moment. Not gonna lie.

I'm totally falling into this rabbit hole, I don't know when I'm coming back up... I'm deathly afraid of what's going to happen once I hit the ground, but that's life, I guess. You'll never know what's going to happen once you hit the ground. Either you break something, get something broken or you're completely fine. It's all a mystery.

Other good news:

I have stopped talking to British Davey and I have stopped liking Johnny. About time, I know.

A new set of rules for my behavior? What?

No distractions of boys in any way.

That's renewed, considering the fact that I had let myself down for distracting myself.

In other note, I'm going to continue to be "the careless bitch" that people now calls me since I've changed. Oh, I love this careless bitch. I think I may marry her.

New lifestyle. New personality. New behavior.

I love it lots.

I haven't posted in a long time.

It's because I haven't had things to think about... and now, I, unfortunately do...

Why? Well, recently, I've had a distraction. Yeah, yeah. I know.

"Distractions are bad for you!"

I wish I had gotten myself less... what's the word... pathetic and vulnerable. I find it very difficult to understand why I decided to give myself such a distraction... especially on my last year of high school.

I guess, what's done is done. Goodbye distraction, I won't be needing you in my life anymore.

Back to the normal life I had. The single life. The one where I have school girl crushes on celebrities and not real people.

I really have no excuse on why or how I did such a thing to myself. I am ashamed and embarrassed for myself.

Goes to show: Never trust the person that's not your best friend. They're just your distractions.

Goodnight, readers.

It's been so, so long.

Raina has gotten me into Tumblr due to some Harry Potter related posts on Tumblr.

But I have not forgotten this site, this is my "super secret" website, and I will always vent on here when I want to.

Right now, I'm here to vent. As always.

It's not just long speeches right now, it's plainly venting.

I guess this is a diary... but less private.

But I will end up with this fact in a question form:

Why do I always feel so... jealous(?) when two of my very good friends are talking when I don't want them to??

I'm such an unfair human being.

Music.

Lots of definitions. Lots of meaning towards people.

Most of the definitions of "music" from most people?

"19. Music - With out music I think most peopel would die. Music is one thign where kids today can go and get away from the world today" (source: Urban Dictionary)

Basically, that's somewhat a good definition of music, BUT, there are flaws. No, not just the spelling and grammar of the definition, but the fact that there is no REAL definition of "music".

To me, music is a work of art. No matter what form, what beat or anything. It's still music.

People don't quite understand that and grasp the fact that music is basically two things, and two things only:

Beats and Rhythm.

Does it really matter if you're going to speak throughout the whole song?

Or does it matter if you're going to scream throughout the whole song?

Or use profanity?

It's a way to express feelings. Express your culture on how you grew up.

I admit, I used to be one of those people who actually discriminate against music. But I grew out of that. People use genres against musicians.

So now, Bring Me The Horizon can't hang out with All Time Low. T-Pain can't hang out with Green Day.

It's basically saying that "blacks can't be with whites" or "asians can't be with mexicans".

My saying? Fuck it. What does it matter if a rapper and a country star get together?

Or a pop, top-40 artist is with a hardcore rock band?

Does it really matter?

I've seen too much hate against the Disney stars, such as, Miley Cyrus, Selena Gomez, Demi Lovato and Jonas Brothers. Why? Why are they being hated?

Unless there was a really good reason to be hated, I see no problem with it.

Just because they work for Disney doesn't mean ANYTHING.

Who cares if they get paid a lot. They're still normal people, for gods sakes.

I'm sick of people and their definition of music.

I've always stuck to one definition and one only:

Beats and rhythm.

"12. Music - Music is just sequences of sounds and sometimes vocals put together.

Now, it has become categories in which today's people has put themselves in express to the world what they represent or what they represent.

Categories like gangstas, punk rockers, ravers, ginos, metal rockers, etc.

What I don't understand is why these categories constantly attack each other and their taste, most of the people who actually truly align themselves into a single demographic (most noticable are the "gangstas", but rockers are catching up...) Actually got into that music because it was the fad at the time.

This saying that people aren't truly expressing themselves, but are just emulating what's on TV or what their older friends do.

Music is music. All music is related to each other so make fun of one genre and you will make fun of every genre." (source: Urban Dictionary)

I give props to that person, because what they are saying, is what I am trying to say.

Pathetic Disappointments.

I don't know what is a family anymore. When there is a group of people that are married to each other and others with the same blood, who is so fucking stubborn and inconsiderate, what do you call it? I don't call it a family.

My father is so stubborn. I don't know why I call him my father, to be honest. He spends "his" money on his own needs and my brothers and sisters who can support themselves. He spends all "his" money on business failures and failed ideas for businesses, when all the money is supposed to be for my college fund. I have one year left of high school and I have no money value for a college fund, because "school in America is easy to get into and easy to achieve". He just doesn't fucking get it. For four years, I failed because of him. In pity. Let's just say it's a Willy and Biff Loman, but instead of Willy cheating on his wife, it's cheating his own child.

Next, is the way he sees my mother's side of my family and he looks down on them because of some stupid little drama my uncle and my father had. He can not get the fuck over it and I'm sick and tired of his immaturity of this bullshit. My family forgot about it, and is over it. They invite my family to a family gathering, festivity and such, and he turns all of them down because he simply "has no respect towards them" to go. When I, his own flesh and blood, want to go so I can say I have a REAL family that can look past problems. I frown every time he says no, and he rants about just ONE time, how he used to be the favorite of the family until the drama. Well, gee. I fucking wonder why.

All the emo years I had, when I cared for no one but my friends and friends only, I hated going to the family parties, but he wanted me to go, so I went. Why? Because I wanted him to be happy, and what does he do to repay me?

Spend all 16 years worth of my college fund and no happiness in me, whatsoever.

Because of him, I lost all meaning of family. I don't even know what it stands for.

All I can see is that family means betrayal and hurt.

It's just not fucking worth it anymore.

WWE Extreme Rules.

The whole thing was boring... up until Jeff Hardy went after the belt. That's when things got exciting.

Results:

Cena vs Big Show, One Fall/Submission - Cena.

Mysterio vs Jericho, Intercontinental/Mask - Jericho.

Matt Hardy vs Regal vs MVP vs Kofi Kingston, Fatal Four Way/US Champ - Kofi.

Santina vs Vickie (and Chavo), Miss Wrestlemania/Pig Pen/Handicapped(last minute change) - Santina

CM Punk vs Umaga, One Fall/Samoan Strap - CM Punk

Christian vs Swagger vs Dreamer, Triple Threat/ECW - Dreamer

Orton vs Batista, Cage/WWE - Batista

Jeff Hardy vs Edge - Jeff Hardy... then CM Punk by cashing in his MITB.

I wish these people would've won:

Big Show, Jericho, Matt, Satina, Umaga, Christian, Orton, Jeff.

I only got two..... technically three... but I wanted Jeff to hold it at least more than a day...

maybe a fucking year.

This just isn't fucking fair.

I could care less if this shit was scripted but Jeff Hardy deserves a fucking title no matter what.

WWE needs to give Jeff a chance to hold the belt for a long time...

Oh... and one more thing...

Next Thursday is when I will lose contact with Chelsea for weeks!

Those weeks are going to be HELL without her!

RAWR.

End of the 08-09 school year.

These next two weeks are probably going to be super busy.

Tomorrow, I have Superstars to watch.

Friday, I have Smackdown! to watch.

Saturday, I seriously forgot what I was going to do...

Sunday, EXTREME FUCKING RULES, I'm excited for that<3

I'm gonna go ahead and guess that Jericho is going to win, but Rey's gonna backfire at the last moment with the mask... or it's another false Kane thing, again.

Batista is going to win, I mean... have you SEEN Batista?!

Christian NEEDS to keep the ECW belt because I think he's better than Dreamer and Swagger, not matter how much of a 'Legend' Dreamer is, and no matter how ridiculously charming Swagger's smile is.

Big Show's getting his payback on Cena, FO SHO!

Satina vs Vickie... Vickie wins by having the interference... as usual.

Fatal 4way... I really badly want to say Matt Hardy, but I highly doubt it :/

I'd have to say, Kofi or MVP on this.

Punk vs Umaga. Umaga hands down, I mean... do I really have to point out the obvious?

Last, but not least!

Jeff Hardy vs Edge for Ladder match.

oh dear lord. I love both Jeff and Edge... so I can't decide on who should win or predict.

Jeff is an absolute pro for ladder matches... but I haven't seen Edge and ladder matches lately, so he could easily improve over the times I missed his ladder matches.

There will, most likely, have an interference... once again, and who else, by Matthew Moore Hardy? (well, that's if he loses the US Champ).

That's all I really have to say, for now...

Monday, last day of a full schedule.

Tuesday, I have no clue, but I'm getting out at 12...

Wednesday, I still have no clue...

Thursday, lots of fun.

Going out with the whole table, [most likely excluding Pedro and his new beau].

Going to the sushi buffet, then the movies.

What are we going to watch?

We have NO clue whatsoever. But whatever is planned, is planned.

No cancellations from here.

This is the last weeks of our Junior school year, Sophomore for Luis.

I will bawl my eyes out tomorrow, since it's Devora's last day of High School...

She and I grew close during these months, and she's one of the people I'm starting to trust...

and once that trust is coming, she's leaving.

Talk about bad timing.

In other note; Johnny's talking to me more now...

...now that I decide to finally get over him.

Weird Dream from a nap.

So, I just woke up from a little two hour nap... and you guessed it, I had a weird dream.

I don't remember much of the first hour and such, but during the second hour, I was in Vegas... or Los Angeles or somewhere with lots of shopping places and tourists.

I was there with my family and my long-term boyfriend, or what it felt like my long-term boyfriend...

I was walking with my friends and mother at first talking about my boyfriend, and he came along, out of no where.

I was thrilled.

I remembered that I was skipping... looking down, I saw myself wearing silver high heel sandals, brown mini skirt, and a muave-ish short sleeve shirt and curled hair.

As I was skipping we didn't say anything, it was comfortable silence. We held hands and just walked ahead, happy as hell, looking around.

Once we reached a local shopping mall, we had to walk down a few stairs to get to the main entrance, which has a few umbrella covered tables like at Starbucks. It was a warm sunny day, and people were outside chatting.

When they noticed us, they stared.

Why? Well, we were, apparently, a famous couple.

My boyfriend was Dave Batista. Weird, right?!

Okay, now that we know that my boyfriend is Dave Batista, let's move on with the story...

We walked down those steps and he went towards the door and looked in the glass door.

He had a disappointed look on his face, well, I think it was.

I looked at him, confused. He ignored my look.

He looked around and, I guess, spotted what he was looking for considering his face was brightened up.

I looked at his direction and saw Randy Orton, Adam "Edge" Copeland and John Cena(ew. I know).

I was friends with them, but I wasn't in the situation where I could talk to them without awkwardness.

I smiled and greeted them as Batista started chatting away.

I wanted to waste some money in this mall, and fast.

So, I held one of his hands with both of mine and looked up at him with puppy dog eyes, only not to recieve some attention.

I started to move his hands back and forth with the same look, which I finally got some attention.

He looked at me and chuckled, as my mother came into the scene.

She greeted the other boys and stood right next to me.

He kissed me and called me adorable.

I still sported the same face while innocently saying "please?"

That's when he knew that I wanted to shop. He chuckled and brought out $30.

I smiled, and said "I lo-" only to realize that the WWE were taping them.

Why? I don't know. But I didn't want to blow my cover of being "Jeff Hardy's girlfriend", so I quickly let go of his hand.

Explanation to the "Jeff Hardy's girlfriend" thing:

I was a WWE Diva, well, a new one-ish. My storyline involved a romance with Jeff Hardy... that's all I remember.

Anyway, they filming a scene for RAW and I hid behind Randy, so no one could see me from the camera's view.

When the camera was faced towards John Cena, because he was making a speech, Batista turned to me and asked me what I was about to say.

I smiled and shook my head as he kissed me.

"I love you" he said, I grinned and replied "I love you too"

and that's where I woke up.

Me + Dave Batista? No way.

Chelsea will just absolutely love hearing this dream... or reading it.

...

Every time when a problem is related to me, you put the blame on me. Why?

You make me seem like I betrayed you in every way. Am I that type of person?... to betray you purposely?

Every time I have a problem with you, I keep it inside myself.

I don't want to risk anything to happen because I don't want to lose a friend.

Of course, you'd have that problem.

You don't care if you lose a friend, especially one that cares about you and is always there for you even if there's something upsetting going on... right?

Every time I seem to state my own opinion which is opposing to yours, you'd freak out.

Whenever you had an opinion opposing to mine, I never said anything. In fact, I wasn't even offended or hurt or anything.

But when I try to state mine, you'll just argue and believe what you want to believe. No matter what.

Then you'll say something along the lines of, "Tina, I have so many things to say about you right now, I-I just don't want to even start because that'll lose a me a friendship."

...

You actually think I don't have a problem with you? Do you think you're "little miss perfect" to everyone?

You always gave me a problem with something.

In fact, you're a huge racist, and you know it... but you won't admit it.

All those jokes about Obama being black were really wrong... I mean, once in a while, sure. But during his trip to, practically, save our state/city/country? Inappropriate.

Another problem is that you seem to bitch constantly how you need an A as your grade.

You procrastinate and you end up stressing yourself out.

I try to calm you down every single fucking time and help you to figure shit out.

What did I get?

"Tina, I don't need your help! You don't care about anything, not even grades. That's why you don't care if you have a D or a C. You're not in my situation, your mom isn't going to fucking bitch at you if you have a C and make you move to a school you completely hate."

Seriously? You think I don't care if I have a bad grade?

I do. I just don't stress myself out. I'm too young to be stressed out.

Even if I do tend to procrastinate, I know what I'm doing and I know the consequences... so why bitch about it? I deserved all the F's and D's I have due to my problem with procrastinating.

Then with the whole project we have to do in History.

You never started it, and the first day we got to work on it... you played with the designs.

I didn't. I started working on my information looking for websites so I can research in the future. You didn't do shit.

Now the whole thing is due next week and you're freaking out because you didn't start it.

Hey, guess what?

You had your chance to start shit and research while you can.

I finished all the information in one day because I actually researched it during class time.

I never even look at it once at home.

I finished it all yesterday... and when I told you today, you fucking freaked out at me.

Why?

"Because you have a computer at home so you can just fucking copy and paste all that crap and you're done! I don't have a fucking computer like you, Tina. I'm not rich or anything like that, and my sister got a virus on my stupid computer!"

What the fuck does my computer have to do with anything?

What does being rich have to do with anything?

And I didn't even fucking copy and paste in my project, I summarized a whole fucking wikipedia page about the Roaring Twenties in one fucking slide.

Did you seriously think I'm going to cost my grade on a stupid three bullet point slide?

I'm tired of your shit.

You're fucking stubborn and immature as hell.

I question myself why I'm even friends with you, let alone talk to you.

I try to care. I really do, but all you seem to do is blame everything on me.

Like the whole "Matt" thing.

Chino told him and covered it up by saying just kidding.

I didn't say anything. I kept your fucking secret and I'm being yelled at by you?

Listening to you ask me, "why would you do that, Tina?" repeatedly.

Did you seriously thing I would tell anyone about you liking Matt?

You've made this shit pretty fucking obvious, so obvious that our fucking teacher found out on her own.

I didn't even have to say it. Everyone knows.

Now, I'm here listening to you yelling at me, like I betrayed you by "telling everyone you like Matt"

Fuck you.

I didn't do anything wrong.

I never would... even if you told my secrets I told you multiple times to many people.

I've fucking had enough of your ignorance and your immaturity.

Do you feel like a man when you push her around?

Do you feel better now as she falls to the ground?

Do you have to constantly make me feel like a child when I'm here?

Do you have to constantly make me feel like a total loser?

Do you have to constantly make me feel angry?

Do you have to be so unfair towards me?

Did you really have to fucking change?

Are you going to fucking admit this change at all?

Quote Uno of el Blog-o.

Me: he likes to swallow

Me: ;)

Chelsea: its so pretty

Me: LMFAO

Chelsea: and smooth and WHOA

Me: HAHAHAHAHA

Chelsea: LOL

Weird Dream #3

This dream was a few months back...

I was apparently a new diva in the WWE. I had worked out, so, I looked like I had Trish Stratus' body, only with long black hair that was as long as Lita's in Team X-Treme days. I had thin blood red and platinum blonde highlights in my hair, curled, layered with the same bangs I have now. I was the heel of WWE in the women's division, so I got boo'd as I walked down the ramp smugly, wearing the same outfit as Trish in her last match in Toronto, but black pants, white outline and the same top as hers. It was during a match that Jeff Hardy was in and I stood on ring side watching him. I forgot who the opponent was, but, I really want to say John Cena. Jeff won and I walked into the ring to congratulate him. Everyone was shocked. I hugged Jeff, he kissed me....

and the rest is what I want to continue with...

Weird Dream #2

The WWE held a contest to win a date with "The Legend Killer". I won. That night, he came to my house looking extremely hot with the green gas mask shirt and simple jeans. Since I had nothing to wear, I dug through my pile of clothes. I cleaned up all the mess, and by the time I was done he was out of my house. I was extremely pissed off and didn't talk to my mother, since she let him go. The next day Mickie James, my mother and I were hanging out and Mickie had a sunburn which gave my mom and I the skin peeling effect. Soon later Samantha Orton came in the picture and bitched at me. I had no clue to what was going on and asked my mother and Mickie James. They both didn't know what was giong on, but Mickie proceeded to back me up. Later on, Randy Orton came to me and told me he wanted me more than his own wife... I woke up.

Weird Dream #1

Tony Stonem from Skins was in my dream. He was about how he was in Season 2 after he had sex in that college with that one chick, Rose? I'm not sure. But, he was playing a role as my brother. We were in the car that was in the last(?) episode of Season 2, where Sid & Tony stole Chris' coffin. It was me, Sid and Tony roadtripping to Vegas, but later it was me, Tony and my parents, when we arrived we were at Circus Circus and I had seen the housekeeping cart, looking at the towels, I thought "we brought our own" and went to the big suite. We all decided to shower and realized there was no towels. Seeing that, I offered to get some from housekeeping since I knew where they were... the main floor. So, the elevator walked towards the direction that I saw the housekeeping cart, only to walk by Michael Aranda. I realized it was him and looked back, I called him and he turned around and smiled. I smiled and hugged him. He, then, followed it with an "I love you" and a kiss. I smiled and replied saying, "I love you, too" and we were a couple... then I woke up.

Odd. Isn't it?

I have many things to say...

I will be typing them in different posts though. This blog is going to rant about how I'm feeling about a certain person, as usual.

I don't know what's going on anymore, I mean... you've completely changed.

You deny it, which kills me the most. I could careless if you changed, just as long as you know you did. But apparently, you don't. It upsets me so much to see this change.

I don't want to break this friendship up no matter what.

You tell me to speak the truth, and when I finally do, you end up turning it around...

and made a bitch move by sneakily making me feel bad.

I know for a fact you know you're doing it, you're just playing stupid.

Whenever I attempt to do it, it backfires. Why?

It's because I am always the one that has to feel guilty. You never feel guilty about what you say and do to me.

I don't know anymore.

I want to tell you how I feel so badly, but I just lost my trust in you.

You think I didn't consider you as one of my best friends?

I did, but you wanted me to prove it.

"Best Friends" aren't friends by proving their friendships.

You said you hated to prove your friendship towards your childhood best friend.

Why do I have to prove it to you?

Is it because you feel like you need to be proven to?

If it is, then you have to prove it back towards me and not just shrug me off and act careless to what I say or do.

No matter what I do, you're always there to put me down.

I tried to tell you that my life-long dream of becoming a professional wrestler in the WWE one time, but you shut me down.

You laughed and asked if I was serious, like I was joking.

I, of course, lied and said I was and I would never think of such thing.

I, at least, haven't even tried, and if I did, it's been shot down like a bird in the sky.

What is going on with you, and why have you changed?

I just need answers.

I don't want a friendship based on secrets, lies, and betrayal.

No matter how much shit I've talked about you, I hate it.

I don't like the fact that I have to keep things about you to myself until the point where I have to betray you.

I don't like the fact that I've lost all trust in you.

Having the greatest time as of this moment

by typing up a fic and singing and dancing to awesome dancey tunes. OH YEAH.

LIFE IS GEWWDDDD.

So far, so good.

Since I got this site, I have actually updated everyday. That's something... new.

I actually have blogged about something less... pointless. It's awesome.

Today, I had a quiet day.

I didn't want to be bothered by anyone but a few people.

I guess it was finally my day.

The day that I need to just keep quiet and not try to help everyone out all at once...

or "be bored and want to talk to other people"

It was... nice, for a change.

I kinda liked it.

There was no annoyance, no nothing!

My actual reason why I am posting this blog is because I wanna bitch about how much I am failing at my whole "operation: work out to get skinny" seriously. It fails. Sure, it worked for like, a week. I then slacked off. Seriously, WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT?!

That is very lame of me... BUT! I have stuck to me other plans...

drinking tons of water. That's it. LOL.

I'm failing at 'cutting down' on my eating.

Omfg, I eat more than ever now.

I'm telling you, I fail at life.

It's either pig the fuck out, and work out everyday and eventually lose the weight and gain muscle.

Or cut down on my eating and eventually work the fat off...

It's both practically the same, but for my "dream job" I need the muscle.

I mean, I don't want to be the women's division now.

I want to be the next female legend. The future Trish Stratus. The future Lita.

The ones that suffered for the WWE and not pussy out on matches.

The ones that didn't slap and grab hair in matches.

I need the muscles.

I mean, I already have the biceps muscles... not much though, but it's still muscle, right?

I just need to work on my abs and my leg strength... and obviously, flexibility.

I wanna be able to pull off a Litacanrana or the Stratusfaction.

Amazing moves. Click on the links(that's linked to the moves) to see what they are.

For the Stratusfaction, it isn't shown until 00:12, you know, just saying.

To cut this short, I need to work out.

RKO.

This needs to be posted.

Then.

Now.

BIIG change... and still a looker;)

Change of hearts.

I can't help but noticed you've completely changed to someone said you disliked.

You tell me to confront you, and I really, really did.

No change or notice has come up from it.

Apart from a days worth of arguments full with insults and truths.

You say that I act like a victim, and this time I really, really am.

You always want things to be your way.

Why can't they just be mine, for once?

You and this friend of yours, who you apparently, are annoyed of have completely changed.

I've always respected you more than them.

But this time, it's the other way around.

They gained my respect, when you just lost mine in all.

I tried to save this friendship way too many times, and I saved it by not speaking the truth.

I know how you just hate hypocrites, when you are one yourself.

I can't help but say that you've changed to someone you dislike.

I can't help but say that you've changed to someone I dislike... a lot.

A hypocrite.

A liar.

A careless bitch.

You never listen to what I say, and you're just unfair.

I'm trying to save the friendship by simply just typing it out to the whole world that excludes you.

I'm sorry, I truly am.

But this is bugging me, and I need to speak about it.

Not to you.

8 years of Swanton Bombs and still counting...

With words like yours...

So different, so unique.
There's a meaning to what you say.
A door to every passage.

No matter how upset you may seem,
or how victorious you are after winning a match.

Just hearing your music makes me smile.

Your songs and poems are how I feel.
It's like we're one person,
no matter how creepy that sounds...
...especially from a person that is half your age.
Quite literally.

You inspired me so much.
You passed on words of wisdom, deceit, betrayal, happiness, honesty and so much more.
Only if you knew how much effect you had on each and every one of your fans.

All I have to say is...
Thank you, Jeff.
Thank you for inspiring me to be who I am today.

It's getting pretty annoying...

To start this off, I am not going to mention any names. But some, if they even read this, will know who this is about... maybe.

I am pretty tired and annoyed with their constant whining and complaining. No matter how much I love them, I'm kind of tired. I never get a decent "hello" or "how are you?" anymore. I would say hello, and they'd just jump to the whining or complaining. I get it, you're stressed out, but seriously. Do you have to jump to the problem so fast? Other people feel the same way, and we can't help but keep it in because we know what you're going through and how much stress you're going through, at the moment. But... maybe... kind of... hold it in... a bit.

We'd love to help, we'll always be here for you, but it's sometimes a tad-bit too much for us.

I don't know anymore, it just... bothers me so much that you won't even bother to joke around with me, or talk to me about my problems.

Well, well...

I have a new blog, I suppose. It's pretty rad. I like blogging about nothing at all, but I blog about practically everything. I don't know what to say, but, hey! Welcome to my blogspot. I have signed up to MANY blog sites, and none have worked out with me... except my true love, livejournal.

hahaha.

Well, I guess I should sleep now, I mean... It is 1:44AM on a, now, Monday. I have school "today".

Until then, blogspot.

Goodnight.